How to help an alcoholic partner

It can be heartbreaking to watch your loved one destroy their body, mind and soul with alcohol, and it’s something no partner ever wants to experience. Unfortunately, for many unique reasons, some people find themselves in this difficult situation. As a loving partner, your head may be full of unanswered questions, especially about what to do next. This guide aims to offer advice and guidance if you suspect or know that your partner has an alcohol addiction.

Problematic drinking vs Drinking in moderation

Understanding the difference between problematic drinking and drinking in moderation is crucial, especially if you’re concerned about a partner’s alcohol consumption. Since alcohol is a prevalent part of many cultures, it can be challenging to distinguish between what’s considered “normal” and what may indicate a problem. Here’s a guide to help you understand the signs of both.

Drinking in moderation

Moderate drinking is typically defined as consuming alcohol within the limits set by health guidelines. For most adults, this means up to one drink per day for women and up to two drinks per day for men.

Signs of moderate drinking:

• Controlled consumption: Drinking a glass of wine with dinner and stopping at one.
• Social situations: Having a few drinks with friends on the weekend but not feeling the need to drink daily.
• Balanced life: Drinking doesn’t interfere with work, relationships or daily responsibilities.

Example scenarios:

• Enjoying a couple of glasses of wine with friends at a dinner party and stopping when you’ve reached your limit.
• Toasting with champagne at special occasions and having water or non-alcoholic beverages after one or two drinks.

Problematic drinking

Problematic drinking goes beyond the occasional drink and can have negative consequences on a person’s health, relationships and responsibilities. It often involves a pattern of excessive alcohol use and an inability to control drinking.

Signs of problematic drinking:

• Excessive consumption: Frequently drinking more than intended or more than the recommended guidelines.
• Neglecting responsibilities: Alcohol use is affecting work, school or home responsibilities.
• Withdrawal symptoms: Experiencing symptoms like anxiety, shakiness or nausea when not drinking.
• Relationship strain: Drinking causes issues in relationships, such as arguments or neglect.
• Health issues: Continuing to drink despite having physical or psychological problems caused or worsened by alcohol.
• Secrecy and denial: Hiding drinking habits or becoming defensive when asked about alcohol use.

Example scenarios:

• Calling in sick to work frequently because of hangovers or drinking during lunch breaks and returning to work impaired.
• Arguments with a partner about drinking habits or neglecting family activities because of drinking.

By understanding these signs, you can better assess whether your partner’s drinking is a cause for concern. If you suspect problematic drinking, make sure to continue reading this page.

Does my partner have an alcohol addiction?

Some people go out of their way to conceal their alcohol addiction due to shame or fear of not being able to stop on their own. Whatever the reason, if your partner is addicted to alcohol, there are signs that will eventually start to bleed into their daily life. Identifying these signs can be challenging, especially when the person you love is trying hard to hide their struggles.

Here are six scenarios that may help you determine if your partner’s drinking habits have become problematic.

• Have you noticed your partner coming home late frequently after drinking with friends, often appearing intoxicated and unable to recall the night’s events clearly?
• Does your partner often cancel or forget important plans or commitments with you because they were out drinking or are recovering from a hangover?
• Have you observed significant changes in your partner’s behaviour when they drink, such as increased irritability, aggression or becoming overly emotional?
• Do you find yourself worried about the amount of money your partner spends on alcohol, noticing that it sometimes impacts your shared financial responsibilities or plans?
• Has your partner started to avoid social situations or gatherings unless alcohol is involved, making you feel isolated or left out of your social life?
• Are you concerned about your partner’s physical health due to their drinking habits, such as noticing frequent illnesses, neglecting self-care or experiencing withdrawal symptoms?

Noticing even just one of these symptoms could be a sign that your partner is showing signs of alcohol addiction and may need further support.

How can I approach my partner about their drinking?

Confronting your partner about a potential alcohol addiction can be incredibly daunting. You may feel scared or worried, especially if alcohol has already caused tension and discomfort in your life. The thought of them seeking treatment might also leave you feeling anxious about being alone. Despite these fears, it’s essential to set aside personal feelings and initiate a conversation. Taking this first step is crucial in opening a path for your partner to begin their healing journey.

Here are tips and advice to follow in order to hold one of these difficult conversations:

Pick the right moment and place

Select a calm, private setting where interruptions are unlikely. Ensure you both have ample time to talk without feeling rushed. Avoid bringing up the topic when your partner is intoxicated, during a heated argument or in a public place. These moments can escalate the situation and lead to a defensive reaction.

Speak from your heart

Use “I” statements to convey your feelings and concerns. For instance, “I’ve noticed you’re drinking more lately, and I’m really worried about you.” Avoid using accusatory language, such as, “You always drink too much,” which can make your partner feel attacked and less likely to listen.

Stay empathetic and patient

Listen to your partner’s side of the story without interrupting. Show that you’re there to understand and support, not to judge or criticise. Don’t interrupt, dismiss their feelings or rush the conversation. Avoid making them feel guilty or ashamed, which can hinder open communication.

Emphasise your love and commitment

Reassure your partner that you’re doing this together and want to help them improve. Offer to explore support options together, whether it’s finding a therapist or attending a support group. Avoid making ultimatums or threats, such as “If you don’t stop, I’m leaving.” This can cause fear and resistance, making it harder for your partner to accept help.

Be prepared for different reactions

Understand that your partner might respond with anger, denial or defensiveness. Stay calm and composed, emphasising that your concern stems from love. Don’t take their initial reaction personally or respond with anger. Avoid escalating the situation by arguing or trying to force them to agree with you immediately.

Where can my partner get help for alcohol addiction?

When you’re worried about your partner’s drinking, exploring various treatment options is essential. Rehab is one of the most recognised and effective methods.

At Oasis Bradford’s alcohol rehab centre, we offer a comprehensive and compassionate approach to recovery. Our experienced team provides personalised care tailored to meet each individual’s unique needs. Through a combination of medical support, therapy and holistic treatments, we help your partner address the root causes of their addiction and develop the tools needed for lasting sobriety.

Choosing rehab at Oasis Bradford can be a crucial step towards a healthier, happier future for your partner. Contact us today for more information.