How to help an alcoholic parent

Alcohol in UK households

In the UK, an estimated 3 million children live with parents who have alcohol problems, according to a study conducted by NACOA. This situation brings numerous challenges for the children who live under their care.

For example, they are six times more likely to witness domestic violence, a harrowing experience that can leave deep emotional scars. The instability at home increases their chances of developing eating disorders by five times and makes them three times more likely to contemplate suicide.

School life doesn’t offer much respite either, as these children are twice as likely to struggle academically. Tragically, the cycle of addiction often continues, with these children being twice as likely to develop alcoholism or other addictions themselves and face trouble with the police.

These harrowing figures go to show how much of an issue alcohol can be in the household and, more importantly, how much of a negative impact it can have on a child’s entire life.

How do I know if my parents’ drinking is problematic?

Understanding if your parents’ drinking is a problem involves knowing the difference between normal drinking and problematic drinking. Here’s a simple guide to help you recognise the signs of problematic drinking.

Drinking in moderation

Examples:

• Social occasions: Your parents might have a couple of drinks at a family gathering or a dinner party. They enjoy the drinks but it’s not the main focus of the event.
• Relaxation: Your parents might have a glass of wine or a beer after a long day to relax. They can still take part in family activities and handle their responsibilities without any problems.

Problematic drinking

Examples:

• Frequent intoxication: Your parents often drink so much that they become visibly drunk, which affects how they function in their daily lives.
• Neglecting responsibilities: Their drinking interferes with their duties at home, work or school. They might miss important events or not do household chores because they are drunk or hungover.

Signs of problematic drinking

If you’re able to see that there’s an issue with your parents’ drinking, you might see other effects as a result of their drinking. You may see:

• Increased tolerance and dependence: They need to drink more to feel the same effects and might show signs of depending on alcohol physically or emotionally.
• Withdrawal symptoms: If they try to cut back or stop drinking, they might feel anxious, shaky, sweaty, nauseous or irritable.
• Secrecy and denial: They might start drinking secretly or lie about how much they are drinking. They could also get defensive or dismissive if asked about their drinking habits.
• Behavioural changes: You might notice them becoming more irritable, having mood swings or getting aggressive, especially when they are drinking or can’t drink.
• Impact on relationships: Their drinking could cause arguments, tension or distance in their relationships with family and friends.
• Neglect of personal care: They might stop caring about their personal hygiene, appearance or general health due to excessive drinking.

If you see your parents showing these signs often, it might mean they are struggling with alcoholism. Follow this page for more tips on what you can do.

Is it my fault that my parents are alcoholic?

No, it is not your fault that your parent has alcoholism. Addiction is a tough and confusing illness that makes people act differently. It’s important to remember that you didn’t cause it, and it’s not your responsibility to fix it. Your parent’s struggles are not because of anything you did or didn’t do. Always know that you are special and loved and deserve support and understanding. Stay strong and take care of yourself.

Should I confront my alcoholic parent?

Dealing with having an alcoholic parent is really hard, especially for a child. You might feel scared, confused and worried. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and asking for help is okay.

It’s important to talk to an adult you trust, like a teacher or a family member. They can help you understand what’s going on and give you the support you need. They can also help you figure out how to talk to your parent in a respectful and helpful way. You don’t have to deal with this on your own.

There are also helplines and support groups that can help you.

• NACOA: You can call them at 0800 358 3456. They are there to listen and help.
• Alateen: This is a support group for teenagers living with an alcoholic parent. They can give you extra support and advice during this tough time.

Reaching out to these groups can make a big difference and help you feel less alone.

I’m an adult, and I’m concerned about my parents drinking

Of course, children of parents are exclusively young children. Even if you’re an adult, it can be heartbreaking watching your parents go through alcoholism. If you’d like to confront them about their issue, it’s always best to be well prepared in advance to avoid any unwanted outcomes. Here are some tips you can follow to hopefully increase the chance of the right message getting through to them:

Choose the right time and place

Find a quiet, private setting where you can talk without interruptions. Avoid times when your parents are drinking or are likely to be stressed. A calm environment will help facilitate a more constructive conversation.

Express your concerns with empathy

Approach the conversation with empathy and compassion. Use “I” statements to express how their drinking affects you. For example, “I feel worried when I see you drinking because I care about your health.”

Stay calm and patient

Emotions may run high, but it’s important to stay calm and patient. Avoid blame or criticism, which can lead to defensiveness. Instead, focus on expressing your love and concern for their well-being.

Provide specific examples

Share specific instances where their drinking has negatively impacted you or the family. This can help them understand the real effects of their behaviour. Be honest but gentle in your approach.

Encourage professional help

Suggest seeking professional help, such as therapy or attending support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. Offer to help them find resources or go with them to their first meeting to show your support.

Take care of yourself

Remember to prioritise your own well-being. Dealing with an alcoholic parent can be draining, so seek support for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups or trusted friends and family members. Your health and mental stability are just as important.

What help options are available for alcoholic parents?

If you’re an adult helping a child cope with an alcoholic parent, understanding available help options is crucial. Rehab centres provide a structured and supportive environment for recovery. Inpatient rehab programmes offer round-the-clock care, guiding individuals through detox and providing therapy to address the root causes of addiction.

These programmes include counselling, support groups and aftercare planning to ensure long-term sobriety. Your compassionate support can make a significant difference, helping them find the help they need for a healthier future.

Reach out to Oasis Bradford for help

Oasis Bradford offers comprehensive treatment for alcoholism, providing personalised care that addresses both the physical and psychological aspects of addiction. Don’t wait to get the help you or your loved one needs. Reach out to Oasis Bradford today and take the first step towards recovery. Your journey to a healthier, alcohol-free life begins here.