Grief and Addiction

Grief is the process of adjusting to life following a bereavement. Typically, this happens once a loved one (such as a close family member or friend) passes away. However, it is also common for people to grieve colleagues, mentors, and influential people from our past. A lot of pet owners also experience some level of grief following the loss of their animals. Among all the stressful life events we may face, ‘the death of a loved one has been recognized as the greatest life stressor that we face as humans.’ With the grief process often thought of as lasting at least a year, it is understandable that living with these difficult thoughts and feelings can become too much.

Although our reaction to a loss can be difficult to predict, there are typically thought to be five stages of grief. These are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Initially, these five stages were quite linear, with individuals progressing through them as time went on. However, more recent clinical work has established that the grieving process only works chronologically. People may experience these stages in a different order or may find themselves experiencing a particular stage more than once.

During the grieving process, you may feel:

• Angry
• Sad
• Empty
• Anxious
• Stressed
• In denial
• Confused
• Lost
• Relieved

You may find that your grief affects your body too, leading to:

• Difficulties sleeping
• Sleeping too much
• Changes to your eating habits
• Finding it difficult to be alone
• Social withdrawal
• Panic attacks
• Physical pain

Whilst all losses are hard, some bereavements can particularly weigh on us. When this happens, we may find that the grieving process seems longer, more intense or even more ‘complicated’ than we have felt in the past. More intense or difficult grieving periods can occur if:

• We lose someone very close to us
• We lose someone in a traumatic manner
• We lose someone due to the COVID-19 pandemic
• We lose someone who we previously relied on for socioeconomic or emotional support
• We lose someone who we previously provided socioeconomic or emotional support for
• We were unable to say goodbye or attend funeral / memorial services
• We feel that we are lacking in social support
• We are already dealing with a mental health condition or addiction

It is important to remember that grieving is a natural and normal process. But if you are concerned that a loss has significantly impacted your ability to live your day-to-day life for a prolonged period, you may need formal support for Prolonged Grief Disorder.

Prolonged grief disorder can look like:

• Feeling that part of you has died
• Not being able to believe your loved one has passed
• Acting as though they are still alive
• Intense emotional pain
• Feeling that you have lost your purpose
• Feeling that life has lost meaning

The key difference between grief and PGD is that prolonged grief disorder directly ‘interfered with daily life.’

Grief, as we can see, can cause significant distress. This can be very difficult to cope with and lead us to seek solace in potentially risky places. This self-soothing behaviour can lead to repeated interaction with addictive stimuli in the search of feeling good to alleviate distress.

What Addictions are Associated with Grief?

It is common for grieving individuals to begin drinking more as well as turning to recreational drugs. Substances are commonly perceived as helping to ‘numb’ pain for a time, allowing people to feel less overwhelmed in the short-term. For this reason, relying on drinking and drug use as a coping mechanism whilst grieving can lead to a substance addiction in the longer term.

Other people may find themselves seeking a dopamine hit in other places to tune out the grief. This could include engaging in risky sex, impulsive spending, shopping, or gambling. This makes grief a predictive factor in several behavioural addictions, such as:

• sex addiction
• shopping addiction
• spending addiction
• gambling addiction

The motivating factors behind each behavioural addiction may vary. For example, the link between grief and sex addiction may be solidified as a search for intimacy following the loss of a romantic partner.

How to Get Help for Grief

If you are struggling to manage a bereavement, there are places that specialise in supporting individuals dealing with a loss. If you are concerned about your mental health during bereavement, you can contact:

• a primary care clinician
• a support group
• a grief charity (such as Cruse)
• a crisis line (such as Samaritans)
• a mental health treatment facility 
• a specialist rehab service 

How to Help Someone with Grief

Grief is complicated, and each of us will experience it differently. But if you are supporting a loved one, the best thing you can do is:

• listen to them
• ask what they need
• be respectful of their boundaries
• offer practical assistance
• check in with them regularly
• know the signs of depression
• know the signs of addiction 
• encourage accessing specialist support where needed

Grief in Addiction Recovery

Unfortunately, it is possible that you may face grief when you are already in active addiction recovery. When this happens, there is an increased risk of relapse. The best way to manage grief during addiction recovery is to address your feelings with your care team and sponsors. This may include increasing engagement with aftercare, a short residential inpatient programme, or a course of grief and addiction counselling. Struggling with substances whilst grieving does not mean that you have failed. Seeking support is the best way to protect against relapse.

Addiction is a tough road, but you don’t have to travel it alone. If you have a dual diagnosis, we’re here to help you overcome your addiction. Contact us today to start your recovery journey. At UKAT, we believe everyone deserves stable mental health and a life free from substance use. Our expert team is ready to support you in taking the first step.