Sober and Social: Finding Fun Without Alcohol or Drugs

Sober living can be both rewarding and daunting. Drug abuse or alcohol abuse may be closely tied to socialising for many people in recovery, meaning that sobriety, particularly early on, can feel isolating. Old avenues of socialising and old social groups may be triggering and increase the desire to use substances. But social support is a key component of recovery – and finding ways to be social that don’t involve substances will help you stay away from drugs and alcohol.

Making new social connections in recovery can be highly rewarding, and you may find the connections you form when you aren’t using substances have the potential to be deeper and more fulfilling than relationships structured around using. Finding these connections will take time and effort, but the results will be worth it.

We’re going to look at some of the challenges of socialising when sober, particularly in early recovery, examine the neurobiological explanations of why it might be challenging, and look at ways you can build new social connections as you transition to a substance-free life.

Understanding early sobriety – why it can feel difficult

Social anxiety

Many people in early recovery report a spike in anxiety and even panic attacks and agoraphobia. Prolonged substance use causes baseline anxiety to increase over time through changes to the balance of neurotransmitters in the brain, and during withdrawal, anxiety can be intense.

This is particularly difficult if you were using substances to self-medicate for social anxiety in the first place. Studies have found that individuals with social anxiety have difficulty participating in group settings, which are a key part of recovery. Group therapy, or recovery-focused organisations like Alcoholics Anonymous, can be extremely beneficial for both treating addiction and tackling the isolation that can present in early recovery – but anxiety can get in the way of participating and forging new connections with people.

Dopamine and post-acute withdrawal syndrome

Addiction hijacks the brain’s dopamine reward system. All addictive substances increase dopamine in the brain, although the mechanisms by which they do this vary. Over time, your brain becomes accustomed to elevated levels of dopamine in your brain. To compensate, it downregulates your dopamine receptors, meaning they become less sensitive. When you quit using substances, your brain does not immediately go back to normal – it takes time for your receptors to become sensitive again and your brain chemistry to rebalance.

This mechanism is one of the key causes of something called post-acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS).After detoxification, withdrawal symptoms can linger as your brain readjusts. As your brain is less sensitive to dopamine during this time, you may find it difficult to find pleasure in everyday activities. This mechanism explains the flatness or anxiety many people report in early recovery when trying to engage with other people. Activities that were fun or exciting with substances become unappealing or unpleasant.

This stage of sobriety can be difficult – but it’s important to know that it isn’t permanent. PAWS can stick around for a while after detox, and sufferers report that symptoms come in waves, so it’s important not to be disheartened if symptoms come back after you thought they had gone.

Practical tips for enjoying social activities in recovery

Start small

Jumping into large gatherings or re-entering similar social situations to the ones you engaged in when you were using substances can be triggering and overwhelming. Early on, it can be easier to socialise in small groups or one-on-one. Reach out to sober friends or people in your life who are supportive of your recovery, and ask them to do low-key, low-pressure activities with you, like getting coffee or going for walks.

Plan for encountering triggers

Everyone’s triggers are personal to them, and only you will know yours. In structured recovery programmes, you will be encouraged to make a relapse prevention plan and think deeply about what your triggers are. Triggers can be internal, such as emotions, thoughts or physical sensations, or external – times of the day, places and events.

Even with meticulous planning, you are bound to encounter triggers when socialising. If this happens, you can draw on internal coping mechanisms such as self-talk, distraction and challenging your thoughts. However, if the trigger is overwhelming, there is no shame in leaving the situation.Protecting your sobriety is crucial. Having a friend who understands your situation to come with you or be on-call if you need to talk to someone can be helpful.

Find structured social activities

Social interactions can feel like a lot of pressure in recovery, and having a shared activity can help to ease it. Social events that focus on more than conversation and centre around an activity give you something to return to and ground yourself with if you’re feeling anxious. The cinema, exercise classes, and low-key competitive activities like pool or table tennis are all activities with low barriers to entry that can feel easier to engage with early in recovery.

Find new hobbies

A key way of maintaining sobriety is finding activities to fill the time that would have previously been spent drinking or taking drugs. These can help you discover new passions and interests you may not have explored when sober and introduce you to new social circles. This is a chance to revisit old interests you may have lost interest in or explore brand-new activities that you always wanted to try.

Find sober social networks

As well as group therapy or organisations like AA, many meet-up groups are offering sober social events aimed at people who want to connect without substances. These can include activities that traditionally don’t involve substances, like exercise and fitness. However, there are also sober parties, comedy clubs and even sober festivals.

Mindfulness and self-compassion

It’s important to not be too hard on yourself if you’re struggling with socialising when sober.

Practising mindfulness can help to ease the pressure you may feel when trying to socialise.

Mindfulness has been shown to reduce cravings and addiction symptoms and improve emotional regulation and mental health. It can also bring you back into the moment if you’re having a hard time and help you manage anxiety in social situations.

Build your support network

Your social circle may change quite drastically as you move through recovery. You will meet new people who understand your struggle, while old relationships may change. Having a network of people who can offer understanding and encouragement is hugely beneficial to your recovery journey, so surround yourself with people who understand and respect your decision to be sober.

Redefining fun

Using a substance induces powerfully rewarding feelings, followed by intense crashes. It’s an emotional rollercoaster – and the sensation of reward that comes with more intentional, sober socialising will lack the instant gratification of using substances. This means sober socialising can feel a bit lacklustre at the beginning. However, as your brain chemistry recovers and your bonds with others deepen, you will adjust to this new form of connection, which is less dominated by high peaks and crushing lows and is more stable, fulfilling and healthy.

Ready to take the next step?

Recovery can be lonely – but it doesn’t have to be. By getting help for your addiction with UKAT, you can be sure you’re supported every step of the way.

Reach out today to find out how we can help.